I posted my last Ability post before going on a trip with my $lacker friends. 

I gave a lot of thought to being able to do things, being able to make decisions.  While on my trip, my mom’s care became too much for our family angel.  She’s such an angel that she didn’t want to tell me, but her son, my friend, told me (SAT pm).  He knew I was able to take action, make decisions, and perform actions to resolve the issues.

My mom is abilitiless.  She can’t do things for herself or make decisions.  She just lives in the moment–often afraid of what lies ahead, the unknown.

Edit:  I realized this post is for me and my historical thoughts.  In that sense, it is my random thoughts of a LifeInFIRE.

Action

After the “too much” text, I took some deep breaths and did what I do.  I analyzed the situation, the impacted stakeholders, and thought about what I’ve already put in place and how I could accelerate the plan.

My mom has Alzheimer’s and is otherwise mostly healthy, but her daily routine needed much more care for her Activities of Daily Living.  This all happened within days, maybe a couple of weeks.

Before my trip, I had already jumped into proactive mode and found an assisted living house that was nice with welcoming caregivers and paid her waitlist deposit for once a room opened up. 

My first post-stress-text was to see if a room was close to opening.  Not yet.  The owners of the care house asked if I’d like them to see if they could find a temporary place.  I said, “Yes, absolutely.”

Mon

We arrived home MON at 2am.  I was able to get my mom a doctor’s appointment (Mon am) to begin the doctor care recommendation paperwork and a TB test (who knew TB was a thing?).

The same day, a care house was recommended to me, and I made an appointment for the next day (TUE afternoon) to visit.  It was closer (1.5m from our house), which was intriguing.

Tue

We visited on Tue afternoon and met the owners, and the wonderful caregiver, and her husband, who helps.  They work 7×24 (!!!).  I paid the bed hold deposit (now deposit #2) and will await the TB test and doctor’s paperwork.

Wed

It felt right but I still went back unannounced the following (Wed) morning to “look at my mom’s room again,” but really to talk with the care lady without the owners answering all the questions.  The caregiver opened the door and welcomed me by name, smiling, asking what she could help me with.  She is just wonderful.  I asked about her work, life, and how she likes the home.  All heartfelt answers flowed.

Thu

I finally received the doctor’s paperwork on Thu afternoon and scheduled my mom’s move-in for Fri 10a.

I placed orders for a full mattress, adjustable bed frame, mattress cover, sheets, etc so my mom didn’t have to sleep on a tiny single twin bed.  These should arrive Sat.

Fri

I went to pick up my mom at 9:30a.  She has no idea any of this is happening, and really much more than what’s in front of her at the moment.  She just hangs out with the TV.  When I arrived, she was sitting in a low-lit room with the TV off.  I’m not sure why.

I said, “We’re going to your appointment.”  She asked, “What appointment?”  I said, “The one for you.”  Then she asked again, and I said, “The appt, oh, your shoes are nice.”  It took 10 minutes to get her up and moving with a lot of “shoe compliments,” etc.

She arrived at the care home and was OK.  Sat and watched TV, and said she’d like to try it for a few days. 

Sat

I visited, and the caregiver said, “Wow, she was up every hour all night walking around and opening other resident doors and turning on lights.”  My heart sank, fear flowed inside me, and I felt overwhelmed and ready to initiate a plan of reaction/mitigation.”  The care husband was asleep at noon, exhausted from hourly night interactions.  The care lady said, “We will work through this.”  Why are there multiple angels looking out for my mom and me?

We came up with a door safety plan and a few other things to try.

I sat with my mom in the living, and she was so tired she couldn’t even complete a sentence or even words.  To be honest, she seemed 5 years older and almost like the other unmoving/non-speaking other residents.  BUT, she said, “That lady is really nice.”  She likes the care lady.  That is a big win in 24 hours.

Sun

I’ll leave this as a cliff hanger (which is what I feel I’m hanging on to), but she still had trouble, but less of it.  The caregivers slept much more night 2, and we’re working to make the nights less complicated for all.

The care lady said, “I’ve seen this before, and she will adjust, and we will get through this, don’t worry.”  That is one of the most reassuring sentences of my LifeInFIRE.

Perspective

I’m sure anyone reading this is an organizer, an ultra-planner, an overachiever, and most likely a “fixer.”  Someone who encounters issues and finds a resolution. We are project/process managers.  We are excellent at coordination and success.

My mom and I–along with my wife–are dealing with something that may not be resolvable in my normal, historical sense.  It is totally unnerving.

I know thousands/millions of families deal with this, and far, far worse.  I’m learning to let what’s out of my control go.  I’m learning to focus.  I’m continuing to learn to “Find the Positive.”

Takeaway

Be powerful and use your Ability.

*** Nothing in this article is to be construed as financial advice.  I am not a financial planner, nor do I pretend to be.  You should always consult your own professional when seeking advice. This post is not a piece of literary mastery, just a random thought I had.